Reduce Suffering

Task 2: Change an outlet

Is the absence of suffering enough?  

Today, it's easy to recognize that my mind is sabotaging me. Every conversation is difficult, every word pricks my insecurities, everything is the end of the world.

In these days, is surviving the day without erupting enough?  Is being aware the key, it doesn't feel like it.

My approach was to slow down, say little and try to demonstrate some empathy to my "self" who was raging in anguish.  

A cold shower for 5 minutes for the flinch
An extra round of Wim Hoff breathing to quiet the mind
Stick to the commitments I made to myself at the beginning of the day
Message a friend to let them know I miss them

I couldn't share my pain with my wife, with a 1 year old daughter who was having her own inner rage and they both needed me to be present, and while I didn't brighten any rooms I was present.

We have an old house, the wiring is awful. I've been slowly replacing all the outlets, I hate doing it.  Today, I embraced the task because even that was less suffering than sitting with myself.   It was the best I could do, that an this unedited post.  

I will finish this by saying to myself. "There was no joy, but I quieted the suffering to a murmur.  Tomorrow if it's still there, I will do so again.  I will continue to do till I find what works, and hope the absence of suffering is enough."

-Best Regards